Font ResizeIn case you haven't noticed, there's an election under way. We can no longer just lean back and relax, people. The tension is getting uncomfortable, stuffed with debate and padded with pressure. Candidates are vying to greet the seat, and while unable to kiss babies and shake hands, they can certainly cushion a tush or two on the campaign trail. It's neck and neck, or perhaps in this case, arm and arm.
What's that? Oh, you thought I meant the U.S. presidential race? How silly of you. Why, of course I'm referring to the crucial office-chair-buying decision affecting billions of nerve endings in the hindquarters of 50 or so employees of my friend's husband's company in S.F., the name of which I was asked not to reveal because it would make them look too stupid.
For an inside peek at the voting process, the following missive was leaked to me during the early stages of the campaign. It is an actual, unaltered e-mail sent to workers at the aforementioned unnamed firm. It is not a joke. Ready? Deep breath. Now, go!
"Management has informed the remodeling committee that samples of three office chairs will be delivered on July 16, 2008. All staff will have the opportunity to 'test' the three chairs during a two-week period, July 16-30, 2008, and then vote for the chair of their choice. (Breathe here.)
"The remodeling committee has finalized its recommendation for the office-chair selection process, which will
"Specifically, staff will vote for their first, second and third choices. When the votes are tallied, voters' first choices will be counted first. If a chair model garners more than 50 percent of the vote it will be declared the winner and designated for purchase. However, the process will continue if no one chair gets more than 50 percent of the vote. The chair model that receives the least number of first-place votes will be dropped from contention. Ballots that had the losing chair marked as a first choice will then be examined for the voters' second choice. Those votes will be calculated into the mix for the two remaining chairs, with the chair with the most votes declared the winner. (Gaaasp!)
"Please provide comment via e-mail on the committee's recommended chair selection process by July 23, 2008. The committee will incorporate comments as appropriate and subsequently ask employees to vote on whether they support the committee's recommendation, with a simple majority vote required to use the chair selection process described above." (Whew.)
I think we can all agree that, with the exception of voting on "American Idol," voting on chairs and on the process of choosing chairs are the most important elections of all time. They take a backseat to nothing. No one can sit them out. And I, for one, am relieved to know there is democracy in the workplace, as I have personally suffered under the tyranny of office-chair oppression before. When we got new chairs here at the Oakland Tribune several years ago, they just appeared one day. No one asked us about them. They may have been found on the freeway for all I know. They're blue, whereas the old ones were red, so at least that was an improvement politically.
So you can see why I'm watching this election closely. While a chair would be more comfortable, I am waiting on tenterhooks for the results. Although, to be fair, we should vote on the brand of tenterhooks. I'll get three samples and call you in the morning.
Reach Angela Hill at ahill@bayareanewsgroup.com.
